V - Victim or Victor, The Choice Is Yours!

#AtoZChallenge

Five years after my fight with cancer, I was asked, “I hear you are also a victim of cancer” by an educated person. I answered, “I went through cancer and here I am, alive. You don’t see cancer here, right? So, to put it out precisely, we both had a fight and cancer was the victim and I am the victor”.

We use the word victim freely, without understanding how damaging it can be someone, especially those who are alive.

I choose victor over victim, anyday. If I lose, I am a fighter, because I would never go down wihtout a fight to anything or anyone.

Fighting cancer and treatment will last for a short period of our lives. When we get back on track of our new normal lives, we have a choice of either being a victim or a victor. I have come across very strong, independent and self-respecting people losing the positive part of themselves during the prolonged treatment procedure. I have also seen crumble after hearing about the diagnosis, even before stepping into the treatment. 

The prolonged treatment makes people feel like a patient. I walk into the hospital, and then I am asked to sit on a wheelchair for my check-ups. Of course I refuse. But, this extra caring can make you feel like a patient. Having surrendered to healthcare workers or loved ones during their treatment which left them weak, some people refer to themselves at patients even after years. 

When going through research here, which was conducted on 168 young to middle-aged adults who had previously experienced cancer.The result showed that - At least somewhat, 83% endorsed survivor identity, 81% identity of "person who has had cancer", 58% "patient", and 18% "victim".’

It was concluded that even though the ‘Survivor identity appears most common and most associated with active involvement and better psychological well-being, other identities also exist or coexist and those identities affect their behavior.  

Cancer leaves the survivors with the trauma of going through surgery and prolonged treatment, which is not easy to deal with. There are a lot of changes in the body. As a breast cancer survivor, initially I struggled to feel normal among women with two breasts, after my mastectomy. Then adding salt to the wound, I had to lose my hair as well. All of sudden I looked different, and felt different. It was easy for me to feel like a victim, because what I was going suited the dictionary - a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment. 

It took sometime, but then I started feeling like a victor over cancer. Wars leave scars, so I had them, but then wasn’t I here alive kicking the cancer butt out of my life? I had made right choices and stomped over that crab.

When I started thinking differently, the world started changing for me. Our mentality of being a victim or victor can make a huge difference to our life after cancer. If we think we are not worthy of love it will spoil our relationship with our partner, same will happen if our partner will think so. If we feel we aren’t capable of great performance after cancer, we will jeopardize our professional life. Nothing good can come out of the feeling of victim for anyone, anywhere, anytime. Reminds you of the words, victim of poverty, victim of circumstances, victim of domestic violence? Once you stick that label  on your chest, you are doomed. Let us not allow that to happen. 

Choose to be Victor… we are!

People start to identify us differently when we stop being thinking like victims