100 Rays Of Son - 83

The Art Of Deliberation

The speed of any vehicle or completing a task has never been Rayyan’s goal but it came naturally to him. He is fast on his bicycle and other non-motorized wheels, but on motorised vehicles he is moderately fast. When we all crave for the speed and rush of the adrenaline, Rayyan on the other hand, tries to master slowness and deliberations in his life. In fact, he has given me the best insight on what we term as ‘Instant Gratification’ and I have changed a lot due to his insight. This was not something that came to him from me. Though I know, we have so many similarities and I am sure that he is my own flesh and blood, there are some traits in him which I am complete stranger to. I love change and get bored quite quickly, but Rayyan loves his old things quite a lot. He doesn’t like to buy new to replace the old. We all often donate our used things, but if I ever give Rayyan’s footwear to someone, they are going to hit me back with the same footwear. It will be in that condition.

Jay gave a hoodie to Rayyan when he was riding in the open car with him. Recently, Jay was surprised to see Rayyan was still wearing the same hoodie after a decade. I found it very funny because this was the guy who wore a Mickey Mouse T-shirt I bought him for his 6^th birthday till he was 18/19. 

I am glad I have pictures to prove that, because I find that difficult to believe now.

He had three rough note books throughout his high school years and they are still with him being used for taking notes at times.

During his childhood, I would visit the Nilgiri store on Brigade road to buy certain food items for him. Even if he liked a candy, he would never gorge himself with them. He would patiently eat just one and wait until next day for the other. Even when his dad brought chocolates or any other food from Dubai, he would never eat more than what he is meant to. I would sometimes urge Rayyan to have one more chocolate because I was tempted and did not want to eat more than the child in front of me. For all these years, he has said the same thing, “Maa if you want, you can eat as many as you want. But I don’t want to overdo it”. He is smart enough to keep away his share from us greedy people. On the other hand, Farheena will either refuse to touch the food, or finish it off completely.

I never had to go shopping again and again for his food during those early years. I used fill the boxes and trust Rayyan to finish them on time. But, in case there was another child visiting us, those boxes that lasted Rayyan for 15-30 days, would be empty in a day. Sometimes, when I would cook something very delicious, Rayyan would eat half of it for lunch, and keep the other half for dinner. Farheena and I, on the other hand would eat our share and then look temptingly at his luxury dinner while we ate plain food. Sometimes, he has shared a bit of it with us.

Whenever I would promise him that I will buy a toy for him when I can afford it, Rayyan always has waited with patience. Not once has he mentioned it or reminded me about my promise. The couple at a shop we frequently visited would tell say that I was very lucky to have this child. We would visit them to buy candies, biscuits, rent cassettes or buy small toys. They were childless couple. She once told me, “When I see children visiting our shop and creating the fuss, I feel it is great to be without children of my own. But, when I see Rayyan, I feel I should have a child”. That was quite amazing and sentimental for me to hear from her. They would always bring in new stocks, which were very attractive. I would at times be tempted to spend all the money in my purse on buying goodies. Rayyan who was around 5/6 would warn me not indulge in shopping too much, even when I was buying things any child would crave for. More often, I have played the role of a spoiled child and Rayyan the disciplined parent in our lives.

He has had one skateboard and one wave-board so far, even though the skateboard has been worn out. As long as he use something, he keeps using them. It is only when he cannot use it anymore does he replace it. The advertisements of new things in the market has never tempted him, even the electronic devices.

Once when we in a supermarket and we came across dragon fruit for the first time. I was surprised at the price tag which was 480/- for a single fruit. Though I wanted to buy it, Rayyan stopped me saying it was not worth it. The cost never came down below 300/- and Rayyan would ask to me wait. Finally I bought after many years for 49/- rupees. Rayyan clicked a picture which tells me that “Fruits of patience are cheap”.

He preserved his Lego collection for all these years and I find him playing with them even now. Though they did not come cheap, I feel it has been worth buying it for him.

Along with this comes his natural way of adapting to situations without much difficulty. Even as a child, he has been tossed between my home and my in laws home which were two extremes. When he would be in Byndoor, he would never complain about anything ever but would adapt to that place and people. During family gathering there is one pillow short, Rayyan will be the first one to make a pillow for himself with any towel laying around.

When his first job was at Digital Juice for night shift, I was wondering whether it was the right choice. I was surprised when he not only managed his night shift, but also helped me manage my day job by picking up Farheena when she came back from work.

Though initially I did not give much importance to this, as life moved on, I have realized what a precious gift this has been to Rayyan. People never consider virtues like adaptability, patience or peacefulness as a gift, but they often admire and crave for something like talent or skill which brings in pride, ego and yeah, the wealth as well. But when I see all those celebrities who have been victims of suicides, I realize that the real gift we should recognize is the calmness, patience, adaptability, acceptance and such virtues which brings in happiness to not only the person possessing them, but also to others around them. Rayyan, for sure has brought in that happiness to all of us. I am sure he is gifted though not many would agree with me.

Finally what matters is how peacefully you can sleep