100 Rays Of Son - 47

Confidence - The Best Gift Rayyan Gave Farheena

As far as I know, Rayyan doesn’t like competitions much. He loves to enjoy activities where no one has to prove anything to anyone or to be better than anyone. I was a highly competitive person and was very reluctant to lose even to my own children. Rayyan was the one who trained me about how to make Farheena win games, be it carom, video games or any other thing. He worded it cleverly by not saying you should lose, but by saying how to make Farheena win. He knew my hatred to the word lose. Believe me, it was quite tough on him to convince me to lose to Farheena, so that she could enjoy all the activities and enjoy the thrill of winning as well. He would push her just enough to give her a feel of real tough competition, pretend to be trying hard and would really regret losing the game or competition. At times, Farheena did really perform great with carom board or other video/computer games, shocking us.

We had a musical mug which would play a tune when we lift it up and be silent when put down. It was a gift for me from my husband on our wedding. After a few years it stopped working, but I still used it, because it was attractive. When Farheena was around 2 years of age, after drinking milk she started banging it on the floor lightly. Surprisingly, it started playing the music again. Rayyan grabbed at this opportunity and said, “Maa, Farheena has magic in her hand. She repaired the musical mug and it is working now. Farheena show maa how you did it…” and the proud sister picks up the mug and goes bang bang bang…. Moms cannot allow such things to happen, right? How can I teach Farheena that magic works or banging things repairs it? I have always been a rational person and 2+2=4 is the only way my mind works. Neither could I encourage Rayyan to behave in such irrational way. So, I told him that it is not true and things do not work that way. The child winked at me and said, “Maa it does. See…..” and he happily picked up the mug and allowed the music to play. All the while trying to wink and convince me to play along. Somehow, I did not wish to play along and brought out my automatic watch which had stopped working few weeks ago and told him, “Do you think if she bangs this, it will get repaired?” Rayyan was crestfallen and sad that mommy was not allowing Farheena to enjoy her moment of glory. I was confused now whether I was doing the right thing or not… somehow that sad, crestfallen face made me question myself. As I was looking at Rayyan, the tiny confident hands grabbed at the watch and went bang bang bang thrice, and Farheena smilingly handed over the watch to me. I was in a dilemma as to how should I respond to this situation when Rayyan started smiling again and exclaimed, “Maa, look your watch is working! Farheena did it again”. I wanted to clarify to Rayyan that may be the automatic watch was stuck at some point and the banging must have released it, but somehow I wasn’t stupid anymore. I realized that Rayyan was not fooled but trying to make his sister happy. Yeah, I can be intelligent, but wisdom is something which I was not born with. I am earning it slowly. For a few more months the drama of Rayyan asking his sister to tap or touch his eraser, pencil, book or toys for better performance continued. Farheena was so delighted to do it for him. Slowly it faded away, but I think that was the first stroke of confidence Farheena felt.

That was just the beginning. Rayyan has made Farheena the most important member of our family. When we are choosing a home, dress, electronic item, phone or anything, he involves her in decision making. Every party, occasion or trip, she gets the best seat, best food and all comforts while Rayyan comprises on lot of things. I at times feel uncomfortable with this, but Rayyan tells me it is his choice and that is what makes him happy.

I still remember how much he struggled to make her independent in playing MP3 media player on our computer. He would patiently explain to her the short cuts for playing a song, playing next, forwarding, rewinding and other features to her so that she could play the songs independently as she liked without waiting for us to do it for her. The whole training took nearly 3 months before Farheena started using computer independently. With time, she started typing randomly on Microsoft word. I was thinking of getting a keyboard for her where the alphabets would be in order because QWERTY was confusing, but Rayyan insisted that we train her with regular keyboard. Again he showed great patience in teaching her where the alphabets were on the keyboard. She would ask him where is ‘F’, where is ‘A’, where is ‘H’ and so on and he would point it out to her. Finally she started typing her name on the word. Many people are surprised that Farheena types messages today, but honestly, all the credit goes to Rayyan. I got involved only after I saw that Farheena was typing few letters.

Farheena feels she is very important person in the world, and Rayyan was the one who created that image in her mind. Many people tell me that Farheena is quite confident and girl with an attitude, and they applaud me for bringing her up so well. Honestly, more than 75% of Farheena’s developmental credit goes to Rayyan. He prods her so often to do things on her own. Though she stubbornly refuses, he never gives up. He also tells me not to do everything for her, because it is tough to teach her to do things. Usually, I often do things for Farheena because it is much time saving and easier than guiding her to do it. If not for Rayyan’s guidance now and then, I would have ended up taking away a lot of skills from Farheena. I am grateful to Rayyan for being such an awesome brother.

As for those who get bombarded by Farheena’s messages, you know now who you should blame.