100 Rays Of Son - 32

Proud For The Right Reason

I trust my son without a single strand of doubt bothering me ever. How did I develop such trust in my boy? It goes to the school days when he was in First standard. When I sent him school, I had told him few guidelines he has follow before he begins to learn and score marks in tests or exams.

1.       Do not lie

2.       Do not cheat

3.       Do not trouble your friends

4.       Don’t call anyone by nickname even if others do

5.       Do not take things that belong to others

6.       Respect everyone

7.       Write what you know

8.       Follow school rules

9.       Be nice to all, especially the lesser gifted children

10.   Be regular with your work

These were the few morals along with other similar ones which I would tell him to follow. Scoring marks or topping the class did not matter much to me because not all children are made to stand first in the class. If he had it in him he would do it on his own. I had made it my priority during my school days and I feel at present that doesn’t help me much. But the good behavior and principles can be adopted by every child and will stand with you always.

On most of the days we would walk to school and on way he would ask me questions I would answer him patiently no matter what topic he picked up.

I am not sure whether it is the morals we taught him, or it was something absolutely good inside Rayyan that he turned out to be a gem of person. There is not a single person he has come to know who can tell that he has hurt them in any way or said hurtful things to them. In every school and college he attended, though not the topper, he was loved by his teachers for his good behavior and respect he showed for them.

Some incidences stand out in my memory and makes me feel proud as a mom.

Once Rayyan was down with fever and could not attend class for few days. The monthly test was round the corner. The tired boy could not study much but I let him write the test. I told him not to bother about the marks. The class teacher who saw the tired child, who was her pet in the class, decided to help a bit. She told him the answers and spellings of the “Fill in the blanks”. I still remember the fill in the blanks as well. Bharat is also known as …………………… . Rayyan was struggling with the spelling of Hindustan. To her amazement Rayyan refused to write what she told him and told her that he will write what he knows because his Mom had told him to do so. He said she had assured him that marks do not matter much. The teacher was both shocked and impressed at the same time.

I was summoned to the school the next day. The teacher told me exactly what happened and how much she felt touched by not only Rayyan’s honesty but his trust in his mother’s words. She was worried that it would be difficult for the child to compete and survive in the world that did not follow those morals or principles anymore. She asked me to make him a bit of rough and tough for his own good. I felt proud of my child and it was really touching that his teacher had tears in her eyes when she was talking to me. Rayyan has always been a tiny child in the class and looked very vulnerable which made everyone go soft on him. Also they knew that his mom was going through cancer and sister was with special needs. The teachers were genuinely concerned about him. I could understand her concern because there was some truth in what she said. I also realized that children need to be assured that you will accept them for what they are, so that they will not be under pressure to reach the goal by hook or crook methods. This single incident had taught me more lessons about bringing up a child than hundreds of books I read on parenting. Rayyan could not pass the monthly test that term, but I knew my boy had done the right thing. For me he was the winner.

For the trust Rayyan placed in my words, I promised myself that I am going to accept him for whatever he is forever in my life without forcing him live my dreams for me. 22 years down the lane, I have kept that promise. It has also helped me in accepting my special needs daughter for what she is. With acceptance of our children for what they are comes a great joy of parenthood.

Rayyan followed the rules of school and respected his teachers throughout his school days. I have already narrated the incident of him in TEMS where his administrator spotted him for his habit of holding hands behind his back in corridors. Though Rayyan was mildly dyslexic and had trouble with his languages and spellings, he was always loved by his teachers for what he was.

Today, a young man of 27, Rayyan still follows the rules. He has found his career in animation and has been doing great with his new found passion. The short movies, his comics and other work reflect his personality and his way of life. Honesty, Kindness, Compassion, Respect and Integrity have blended into his everyday life naturally without any extra effort from his side. In fact I feel Rayyan will have to struggle and work hard to do something illegal, wrong, or whatever breaks a rule but those are moral, social and responsible rules and not those of superstitious or religious kind. It is like almost impossible, because I haven’t seen him do it ever.

He has been a blessing in life as without him it would have been tough to manage my special needs daughter and also my own cancer. He is my proud achievement and Medal of Honor!