Earlier, I had written a post about a group of women who were still fighting for their freedom, even after 65 years of Indian Independence. Few days ago I visited the site of Milaap, and it was sheer pleasure to see that they were fully funded. I am not sure how big my contribution has been in the cause, even then I feel a sense of achievement. I am happy for these women.
Success is the greatest motivator, and being motivated I wish to see another group of women achieve their goals. Kavita Sanadi and Group . Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Mobile Apps to Mobilize India's Youth to Vote in 2014
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| Make Your Opinion Count by Casting Your Vote Image courtesy: The Animator |
2014 is the time when we get to make a difference to our
country once again. When reading about the topic, “How would you inspire and
mobilize India's youth to vote in the Indian General Elections 2014 using
social mobile apps?” I remembered an incident which took place a few years ago
in Byndoor. It was election time and
campaigning was going wild from all different parties contesting.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
A very touching review of my blog
Rituparna Gosh, an amazing writer and blogger herself, has
made a great effort in covering every aspect of my blog in her review on her
blog THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER……and the scribbles that follow!
Blog Elf Reviews - GETTING LOQUACIOUS
As a secret elf, I was chosen to review the blog ‘GettingLoquacious’ by an enthusiastic youngster Tejas Harad who is (in his own words) Reader, aspiring
wordsmith, Journalism graduate, proofreader by profession, soft-spoken,
introvert, phlegmatic, minimalist, liberal. Try to live in the moment. Take a
hell lot of time to gel with people. He is mainly interested in technology,
media, linguistics and education. Essays and poetry are his most favorite
literary forms.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
My Views and Review of Tablet PC
Nothing can beat the concept of trying to improve your life
and finding a better way to do things. I have always followed the principle
that improvement is not being better than others, but being better than what I
was yesterday. Be it in studying, cooking, managing friendships, handling
relationships or parenting, I always try to find a better way of doing things. Off
course this includes using my tablets as well. Tablets have revolutionized our
lives in a great way.
Monday, December 16, 2013
A Proud Moment for Indian Health Science
The birth of a baby brings joy to the parents and whole
family and this joy can be doubled by the arrival of twins. On rare occasions
this very joy can turn to be a nightmare for the doctors and parents when they
face great challenge to keep the baby or babies alive. This happens more in
case of Siamese twins named after the famous brothers, Chang Bunker and Eng
Bunker of Siam, who travelled with P.T. Barnum’s circus. Medically known as
conjoined twins; these babies are attached to each other and at times share a
single vital organ. Fortunately, this phenomenon does not occur too often. The
birth of conjoined twins is seen as rare as once in every 200,000 live births,
moreover their survival rate is also very low. Females are known to have higher
survival rate compared to their male counterparts. Nearly 40-60 of conjoined
twins are stillborn, and even among those who are born alive only 35% make it
past day one. Even the 5-25 percent of twins who survive face many challenges
throughout their lives. Fortunately, today medical science has progressed
enough to separate the conjoined twins successfully to give them a chance to
lead normal lives. I know the benefits of modern health care as I Owe 17 Years of My Life to Healthcare…
Sunday, December 8, 2013
The Bhag Farheena Bhag Episode...
This Bhag Farheena Bhag episode was not as funny
as it would sound on my blog.
On the International Day of Persons with Disabilities, 3
December 2013, Farheena informed me that she will have to go to the playground
where some students were participating in the sports meet. With huge piles of
work staring at me, I was half ready to convince her to sleep the morning off.
But the girl was so bubbling with enthusiasm that I decided to spend the
morning encouraging children to give their best. Farheena got up early in the morning, even
before the alarm could go off. We both were ready in a jiffy, but unfortunately there were
no autos available for us. So I decided to walk with Farheena to a corner at
the end of the street which is just a little distance from our home to look out
for an auto. Farheena happily accompanied me until she spotted a cow. All of
sudden the girl became stiff and cold. She is terrified of the cow and will not
believe me if I tell her that those animals are harmless. She somehow believes
that cows eat people or at least push them down on the ground and stomp on
them. I have no clue where she got that misleading idea from.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Being lazy with internet shopping once again ;)
I have been missing on facebook from past few weeks, which
should give everyone an idea about hectic life has been. I have taken few major
decisions of life and it is eating up all my time. Thank God I am not
regretting any of this. For one thing I realized
there is life beyond facebook too LOL.
Evaluating Religions
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As a child, I had trouble accepting the rules, regulations and rituals of religion. Fortunately for my parents, by the time I reached my teen years, I had learned to adjust and not argue much about religion. The creation or portrayal of God by man has always confused me. At times it is nice to know that even in the past there have been people who had trouble accepting religions blindly. I found arguments against religion to be quite formidable.
Jules Renard said “I don’t know if God exists, but it would
be better for His reputation if He didn't.” No one knows when religion and
caste system exactly took its birth; but since its existence many people have
followed one of the nearly 4200 existing religions among us. Religion is often
a set of beliefs that tries to explain the nature, purpose and cause of our
existence in the universe. Though majority of people have accepted it, there
have been some strong arguments against religion even before science made its
advent rationalizing thoughts. Diagoras, known as the atheist of Melos,
presented a strong argument against religion as far back as in 1st
century B.C. People who argue against religion often portray it as an outdated,
discriminating, pertaining superstitious acts, immoral rituals and many more.
It is true that religion is used as a political tool in the past and in
present. Among the various arguments given against religion, I am trying to
pick 6 strongest in the following article.
6. Ex nihilo nihil fit
Like Diagoras, Lucretius is known for his strong argument
against religion and gods who could be bribed to interfere in our day to day
affairs. His views are expressed through his work, ‘De Rerum Natura’ meaning ‘On
the Nature of Things’. Lucretius introduced Epicurean philosophy to the Romans.
Lucretius said, “ex nihilo nihil fit: nothing comes from nothing”, which
explains how matter is required to make matter and that objects cannot spring
forth without reasonable cause. He has explained this theory in his poem of
which translates to English as
But only Nature's aspect and her law,
Which, teaching us, hath this exordium:
Nothing from nothing ever yet was born.
Suppose all sprang from all things: any kind
Might take its origin from anything,
No fixed seed required. Men from the sea
Might rise, and from the land the scaly breed,
And, fowl fully fledged come bursting from the sky.
Lucretius believed in Gods but he was against religion and
rituals associated with religious practices. The belief that Gods interfered
with human life and the world was considered as superstition by him.
5. Religion is
man-made
Machiavelli, Italian politician, historian, diplomat, philosopher,
humanist and writer, repeatedly argued in works that religion is man-made. He
called the so called prophets as princes of the new age, who brought about
revolutionary and innovative change in society. He gives examples of how people
have killed their own kind and their use of large armies to fight for their
religious dominance, to uphold his view that religion is often used in disguise
by powerful men for their own political gains. Even to this day we cannot deny
that political leaders often support and endorse religion not because of their
undeniable faith in it, but in order to maintain power and balance in their
countries. He assumed most of the people believed to be religious were so
because for them “There is nothing more important than appearing to be
religious.”
4. How the “One true
faith” contradicts itself
Stephen F Roberts challenged the major religions of the
world when he made his famous declaration "I contend we are both atheists,
I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you
dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss
yours." Every religious body believes that their own religion holds the
truth, even as they dismiss other religions as false and misleading. These
inconsistent religious arguments based on revelations or messages of God itself
stand against the existence of one true faith or one true religion.
3. Revelations about
universe
Daniel Dennett presented his side of argument against
religion saying that, most of the religions were formulated when science had
not made discoveries about the universe. If the revelations were true than why
they do not explain the solar and lunar eclipse, solar system or planets as
they are. Along with Dawkins, Hitchens and Onfray argue about the truth behind
religious beliefs based on scientific discoveries. It has been contended that
people who still hold belief in lunar or solar eclipse or consider earth as the
center of the universe around which the sun and the moon revolve is not just
superstition or blind faith, but also irrational considering the evidence.
2. Religion is
related to delusional behavior
Carl Sagan, Richard Dawkins, Vilayanur Ramachandran and Sam
Harris have connected the near death experience, phenomenon of mysticism,
spiritual possession and other religious mysteries to delusions of temporal
lobe seizures. The God Helmet which stimulates the temporal lobes of the brain
with magnetic fields has succeeded in inducing the religious experiences in the
user. In his famous book “The God Delusion”, Dawkins argues that religion is
not a harmless nonsense but one of humanities most pernicious creations which has
been responsible for many deaths. He further accuses religionists of fomenting
divisiveness, waging wars in the name of religion and hindering intellectual
progress.
1. Religion is a tool
utilized by rulers
Karl Marx, Lenin and other socialists considered religion to
be a tool utilized by the ruling classes to oppress common people. In his
famous quote Karl Marx said, “Religious suffering is, at the same time, the
expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is
the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the
soul of soulless conditions. It is the
opium of the people.” Through religion the oppressed poor are made to
believe that their suffering in this world will eventually lead them to a
better place in paradise. This prevents them from rising in revolution or
making any genuine efforts to overcome their suffering. Karl Marx considered
religion to be nothing more than escapism.
When people suffered, the blame was laid on sinfulness of humanity
rather the social and political chaos. Hence, religion sedates people from
fighting against authoritarian injustice.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
In Natures Lap
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| The precious baby |
Our joy was boundless when Rayyan, my first born came into
our lives. By ours I mean my whole family, not just the parents. His father was
away at the time of his birth, but my own family made it up to him and me. The
last time there was a baby at home was more than 18 years ago when my youngest
sister was born. Rayyan was treated like a prized, delicate and loved child who
needed protection from the harsh world. Every time he wet himself, pooped or
cried for milk, I could see chaos around me with nearly 2-3 people rushing to
set things right for him. I remember how everyone went overboard with his care
other than me. To be honest I was kind of getting irritated by the fuss being
made over the baby. But the big army of 2 aunts, 1 uncle, grandma and grandpa overwhelmed
and smothered me to do as they wished. Finally what counted was that they loved
him more than anything else in whole world.
What more can a Mom ask for?
Rayyan had low resistance to diseases. Any change in routine
would make him feverish, get cough and cold or give him running stools. He was
slow in gaining weight. My family took it upon themselves to protect him from
the germs and bacteria which lay in wait to get him. So he did not get to play
much outdoor games, eat street food or play in dirty water. I knew this was
wrong, but then there was nothing much I could do. No one bothered to take my
advice. Leave alone his drinking water, even the water he bathed was boiled and
cooled. Every time he went out, one of my family members would escort him. He
spent long hours playing with Lego toys, watching cartoons or painting. Though
he loved cycling, he was never given the freedom to go out all alone. He had to
go circles around our home even as someone kept an eye on him from terrace.
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| Indoor games, drawing and watching television were part of his life |
Initially I thought the fuss my family made would be over
once there is another kid at home or when he grows up a bit. How wrong was I?
Farheena’s entry into our lives had no effect on my family. As days passed and Rayyan
was nearly 10, he was still treated like a baby and not allowed any
independence.
When I was confused about the upbringing of my children,
there was a turning point in my life where I had to take a major decision. I had
two choices in front of me. Stay in Bangalore and live with my family to adjust
my lifestyle to their choices, or move out and go to my native village Byndoor to
lead an independent life. As I sat pondering over what step to take, Rayyan was
watching television, an activity which kept his boredom away. I wanted to know
how many cartoons he could watch if left undisturbed. When the third cartoon
started without Rayyan moving from his seat, I made my decision. It was quite
tough decision to make but I finally broke free from the bondages of my family.
Both my children were very close to all my family members and I was sure that
they would miss them. But then it was high time that I took control of my own
life and made my own decisions.
To make my children more active physically and mentally, I got
rid of the TV. They could have fun on computer but TV was a big no. Both the
kids spending nearly 5 hours in front of the idiot box was not acceptable to
me. I knew we would miss it for a few days but then would get adjusted to the
life without TV.
If you think life was dull and boring in Byndoor for my
kids, you are in for a surprise. Our days were filled with fun, adventures,
games and weekly visits to the beach. To make it more entertaining, I gathered
a group of children from my neighborhood to join us on picnics, games and
parties.
Fun time on Someshwara Beach
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Though initially Rayyan was accompanying me for his outings,
he slowly weaned off and started to find a group of children who could join him
on long hikes to the nearby mountains and to swim in the sea. Finally he
started wandering off alone at times on his bicycle because there were not many
children who could match his stamina and enthusiasm for long rides. His stamina
was building up so much that he could beat most of the experienced swimmers at
the local pond.
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| Our brood of Chicks |
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| An Injured crow treated by Rayyan. |
He started raising chickens but unfortunately they were not food for him but friends. Soon even I fell in love with his chicks. He became so lively and enthusiastic in the company of the animals.
The dirty water, exposure to germs or eating street food occasionally
did not make Rayyan sick or weak as my family feared. His outdoor life made him
strong and his healthy body could resist diseases on its own. I cannot recall
when I have last taken Rayyan to a doctor for medication and he is the same kid
who used to be sick for nearly 100 days every year.
Rolling in Dirt and Plunging into various sports
  |
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| Rayyan enjoying diving and swimming |
Rayyan enjoying his freedom in the lap of nature
Today, back in Bangalore, we do own a TV but my children are
not interested in getting the cable connection. We watch selected program
through internet TV. Rayyan has joined various cycling groups and events taking
place around Bangalore. He is the only fit and healthy member of our family who
has kept his weight under control and also he is only person in the family who
does not need any pills or syrups to keep diseases away. Rayyan did not change his lifestyle after leaving Byndoor. He travels to his college and everywhere around Bangalore on his Bicycle. He also managed to survive the endurance ride to Mysore.It keeps him healthy and fit, moreover he is doing good to both the environment and my purse.
Rayyan's Active Life in Bangalore today..
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| Off road cycling events |
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| Winning slow cycling race held at Decathlon Bannerghatta |
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| Conquering rough terrains |
Celebrating Life ..
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It is time to reflect back on my life today,
as I celebrate my birthday. Has life been worth living? Yes off course! Unlike a
few years ago, today I take pride in who I am and what I have done with myself.
There are no more regrets in my life regarding where I went wrong. Today, I
happily wish myself “Happy Birthday” and add “May you have many more” because
there is so much in life to look forward to.
‘Be a
woman of substance. Be a real woman. It is difficult to break down a real woman
because she will learn from her mistakes, gather her strength from her struggle
and overcome the obstacles courageously.’ – Unknown.
So true are those words when I connect them
to myself, because, today I stand here on my feet, strong, unbroken, wise with
the lessons life has taught me and gathering strength from my experience withcancer, bringing up special needs child and social, communal restrictions.
If you ask me to make a list women of who
have stood against all odds to emerge triumphant from group of the women I know;
the list would grow inexhaustibly like Hanuman's tail. My life has been touched by many such ladies
who have made a big difference to the course of my life.
At the same time I feel compelled to pat my
own back, because I am one of those women who have refused to be tied down by any
kind of bondage.
I have overcome the hurdles thrown at me like
caste, culture, marriage, gender discrimination, disability, III stage
infiltrating breast cancer, special needs child and many more to stand strong
and confident today, ready to fly. I have not been the person who has aspired
to touch the sky but always felt inspired to go beyond the limits of the sky.
Many eyebrows would be raised as they would
consider it sheer narcissism by a simple woman who considers herself an
achiever in the world of women who have made a place for themselves in the
field of science, technology, arts and politics. What do I do? I blog, earn
some income through freelance writing in addition to doing online counseling
and mentoring students at Banjara Academy. Not many people consider me to be an
ambitious achiever. But for me, this means a lot, as I know how tough it has been
for 'me' to be where I am today.
Even when people say they admire me or
respect me, I notice an odd trend in them and feel it is all for the wrong
reason. Most of them respect me and applaud me for surviving cancer, when they
should be applauding my doctor for having done a great job on me. Did I have a
choice of not fighting bravely against cancer? If I did not fight against the
demon than I would have died at a young age of 29 leaving behind two small kids
aged 1 and 5 years, motherless. Besides, I did not fight for someone else. I
fought cancer and survived because I was greedy for life, I wanted to be with
my kids, I wanted to live and achieve something before calling it an end. I
wanted to reach for the skies before being shut in a grave forever. There, I
was totally selfish and greedy, but people respect and applaud me for being a
survivor for 17 years now, even as they sideline my real achievements.
Some say it is the attitude with which I have
fought cancer that is inspirational to them. I was talking to a friend and
mentioned to her how people consider my surviving cancer or bringing up a
special needs daughter to be inspirational for them. What have ‘I’ actually
done? Nothing much! I had to fight cancer and survive and I did. I could not
give up on my daughter, so I love and care for her like any mother would. What
is inspirational about me?
What my friend said when she answered my
question rang a bell in my mind. She said what happened to me was just life and
how I handled it, or precisely how I reacted to it was inspirational. It was
not letting things pull me down, instead use it as a spring board to soar
higher than I would have in normal situations.
Fighting cancer was easier when I was dealing
with it myself, but it was tough losing my Mom, Sister and friends to the same
disease that I survived. Dealing with the guilt of surviving something others have lost their lives to, is another hurdle I have jumped over.
I was born a second girl child with a
prominent club foot. It was tough walking with my right foot fully twisted and
looking upwards. But it could never hold me from competing in sports or running
long distances. I had never been able to consider myself a handicapped person,
at least not until I tried to apply for drivers license. This is when my
disability finally caught up with me at the age of 47 years, where I was asked
to get certificate from Doctor ensuring that I have enough strength in
Inspector : Do you have any problem in your
leg?
Me: No. I just have a club foot.
Inspector: You mean you have disability?
Me: What? Is club foot a disability? It has
not behaved like one so far.
Inspector: You mean, it does not bother you?
Me: No way. I have even carried my daughter
until she was ten years old.
Inspector: Unfortunately, here I have to
follow a protocol. You will have to undergo certain procedure before I can give
you permission for the license.
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| Being torn between what I want and my loved ones want from me is tough |
Though I was living in a village until a few
months ago, where you cannot tell one woman from other when they belong to my
community, I have made a mark for myself. Yes, I did walk around there totally
covered with my black robe, where only my eyes were visible. I was commonly
addressed as ‘Bibi’ when I visited offices, hospitals or any public place. The
darkness is strong enough to overwhelm people and swallow them whole like a
python. I haven’t allowed the shadow of
my cloak to overshadow me, I have found light and shone my colors through it.
It may have swallowed many people like me, but I have escaped it clutches and I
have discovered the real me. It is hard, it is dangerous and it takes a lot to
hurt your own people, especially when you love them. I have felt torn between
what I want to be and want my loved ones want me to be, not just once but many times. Finally, I am listening more to what I want to be rather than being what others expect me to be.
It is
tough to question what everyone around you believes in. I do not like be
censored or dictated. I had the courage to stand up and say what I really am.
Not until you are there will you know how it feels to be an ugly duckling among
the chickens.
After passing the milestone of 40 years, I
have taken life with great enthusiasm. Instead of regretting about giving up my
studies, I have completed my graduation and bravely shifted to a city like
Bangalore. From a small depleted house, sitting in my small room, where my tall
brother cannot stretch himself, I have reached out to the world and stretched
myself far enough, nearly touching the skies. I have fallen down only to get up
with more vehemence.
When everything was fading away in my life, I picked up
the leftovers and started to prepare a new dish to relish. I reached up and
caught the rainbow of my dream – pursuing my education again at the age of 43, even with big obstacles strewn on my path, I am living my dream. At the
moment I am further pursuing my ambition of completing my P.G. which is running
smoothly so far. I have completed my first year of M.S. in counseling and
psychotherapy and I am quite excited about the second year right now. I feel so
relieved and happy to know that I am pursuing my dream. It is not easy at my
age to sit down like a school kid, prepare notes and study for the exams. What
with children, house work and my health issues distracting me. But I did. I
studied hard enough to score first class passing marks in my graduation, and,
the jewel in the crown was my scoring 92% marks in Psychology. It is something
when you do that with your chemo brain. My brain is not what it used to be in
school days, where I could memorize pages within hours.
I have never allowed anyone to treat mydaughter differently or without respect. I have been strong and fought to get
her the love and respect she deserves. No one dares to fool around or mess with
her. Bringing out this kind of behavior from people who were not used to it is
something I have achieved.
I have
learned everything about internet and computers, surrounded by the walls of my
room. All the help I got, was an instruction how to switch on a computer.
Today, I am kind of computer repair person. I can almost fix my computer all by
myself, install windows, create pages on web and win blogging contests.
My blog is something I feel proud about. It is not easy to share your problems, miseries with the world. Some
say, pouring my heart out on the blog can take away my pain. Only those who
haven’t lost a breast, been worried about the future of their child, lost dear
ones to cancer or suffered as me can say that. Easing pain is not that easy.
Even if I write thousand of blogs and millions will read it, the problems and
pain will stay. For me blogging is leaving behind a part of me for everyone to
see, even when I am no longer here. When I was supposed to be quite and walk in
shadows, I dared to go ahead and share a part of me with the whole world. I
received a lot of flak for posting my personal details, pictures and other
information on my blog, but I decided to live my life my own way. It is not
tough when you are independent financially and healthy person. For me, being a
rebel meant a great risk. I did not have a job that could support me, neither was
I highly educated. I lived in fear. The recurrence of cancer which looms on my head all the time. These restrictions
were pulling me strongly towards the gutter where I could lie, rot and be lost
without trace after a few years which I did not want to happen. That is when I decided to jump and check the depth of
the well. I survived and found a new way of living. Today, I am free from the chains that I believed to have bound me. I have learned to appreciate my achievements and efforts. This is
something I would pat my back for if I could just reach it….
When I win, or achieve something- it could be a small victory for me, but a great victory for those
women who are lost in the shadows. My problems, my disabilities do hold me
back; distract me when I sit down to write a blog, do my work or even when I am
on the road, but I fight back and bring myself out of the cave.
There was a time when I was quite angry and hated myself, but now times have changed. I love, respect and appreciate myself, because I know for sure unless I do that, how will others love, respect or appreciate me?
There was a time when I was quite angry and hated myself, but now times have changed. I love, respect and appreciate myself, because I know for sure unless I do that, how will others love, respect or appreciate me?
I am a person who doesn't want to touch the
sky but want to go beyond it. I want my soar to be limitless.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
How to prevent yourself from falling in love?
This Article is also published on TopYaps
Who would want to read an article that prevents you from
falling in love? Love is what makes life beautiful; moreover you do not want to
avoid falling in love for anything in the world. Most of the people often look
forward to the magical moment when they will fall in love. Think it over once
again. What is the real meaning of falling in love?
The warning alarm should be set off by the word ‘FALL’.
Falling is described as an inevitable condition over which you have no control,
often has drastic effects, cannot be reversed half way and makes you feel
vulnerable. The English dictionary describes falling as coming down from a
higher position to a lower one. Often the word fall is associated is disastrous
happenings like, falling into a trap, falling ill or just the simple falling
down. So, thread with precaution and be in a healthy relationship, love your
partner and create a lovely life together based on mutual trust and respect.
Don’t be in a hurry to find your ideal romantic dream and fall in love because in the wise words of Taylor Swift - "We
should love, not fall in love, because everything that falls, gets
broken." Here are the top ten ways that may succeed in preventing you from
falling in love though I do not promise it.
Identify the
Emotion
Misled by an ideal state of romance created in your mind by
books and movies, you may consider the emotions of being infatuated, physically
attracted to another person or even sexual attraction to an ideal mate as
falling in love. Identifying the emotion for what it is may take you away from
falsely believing that you are falling in love.
Breathe and be
calm
When you see a person and all of a sudden your heart starts
pounding, blood circulation goes berserk, you feel giddy and nervous; calm
yourself down and breathe. Don’t jump into conclusion that you have fallen in
love. Off course it does mean that you like the person and prefer him/her as
life partner. But it need not be that you have fallen in love and lost control
over your emotions.
Stop the Obsession
Once you like a person and feel the pressure of emailing or
texting him/her obsessively, stop yourself. Remember that obsessive pursuit of
a person makes you lose your own dignity. Keep yourself engaged with activities
to prevent someone invading your thoughts all the time.
Confess your
feelings
No! I do not mean that you should run to the person and
confess that you have fallen madly in love with him/her. I mean that you should
talk about your feelings to someone you trust, who can be there for you if
things go wrong. When you talk about your feelings, often you see the truth
that the situation is under your control and you can do what you want, unlike
what you believed earlier.
Don’t look for it
If you are a hopeless romantic and live just to fall in
love, then you will keep looking around for opportunities to fall in love and
even fall for strangers without knowing them well. Constantly thinking about
love and romance creates an ideal love character in your mind, and you find it
in the first most likely person you see. Don’t look for love, it will find you
when the time is right.
It is about you
Often you tend to build parameters of an ideal lover and
fall for those who meet those guidelines. Love and relationship in the long run
is nothing about the other person at all. It is not about how they look, how
much they earn or how romantic they are, but it is about how they make you feel
about yourself.
Check out if you
feel hurt
If it is love than you should have a pleasant feeling in
your heart and not pain. Love does not hurt, but most often falling in love
does. It could be consuming all your liveliness, focus, time and also your
thinking power.
Ask yourself ‘do
you want it?’
Remind yourself that falling in love will turn you into an
obsessed, infatuated, insecure and deprived person which you may not want to
be. Though thinking positively is good for you, check out the pros and cons
truthfully when you think you may fall in love.
Fantasy and Reality
Riding on the wave that leads to the fantasy land of
romance, may shut your eyes to reality. The high hormonal levels may force you
to let your defense down, cross your boundaries and behave differently. Be
aware and be awake. Distinguish your fantasy from reality which may give you a
foothold, preventing the fall.
Agony and fear of
losing a loved one
Know that once you fall in love you feel desperate
attachment to another person which brings about the fear of losing the other
person. You start going to through emotions of possessiveness, jealousy and as
though you belong to the other person. Take control of yourself and remind
yourself this is a passing phase of your life and this is not who you are.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Improve your parenting skills VI - Tips for widowed mother
This Post is published on TopYaps
Parenting is a very challenging job, especially being a
mother. If you are widowed mother who is bringing up children without support
of their father, parenting can be tight rope walk for you, with monkeys
scrambling up your shoulders. Dealing with your own loss, grief and loneliness;
you have to pick yourself up for the sake of your children. They are dealing
with the void left behind by their father, which makes them feel vulnerable and
insecure. You have to manage home and fulfill duties of both the parents. No
matter how deep in trouble you are, life has to move on with all its ups and
downs. Here are 10 tips that would provide some relief and help you deal with your
traumatic situation in a better way.
10. You don’t have to
be alone
Remember those good times when your family and friends had joined you in
fun? Now it is time for them to share some part of your sorrow too, because
that is what families and friends are for. Do not hesitate to ask for support and help,
especially in the initial stages when you are still recovering from the shock.
9. Seek Counseling
help
Being unhappy and sad is not going to work out for any of
you. You along with your children will have to overcome the grief and continue
with your life. Seek counseling support and help for your family. The
professionals can guide your family towards emotional and financial stability.
Your religious community or social group can take place of the counselors.
8. Identify your
emotions
It is natural for as widowed mother for you to feel anger at
the loss of your loved one, frustrations at having to deal with life all alone
and desperation at not knowing how to handle the situation. Caught unawares in
a crisis it is natural for you to vent out your pent up emotions on children,
who are already feeling vulnerable. Though it is tough for you, identify your
emotions and keep check on them.
7. Get Connected with
Single Moms
No one understands your situation better than the women who
have been there and done that. Connect with other single moms and learn from
their life experiences. Discuss about remarriage and other options, because you
have your whole life ahead of you. Children are not always going to be there.
6. Consult your
children
At some point after the death of a family member, their
possessions have to be disposed off in a proper way. It is also important for
the proper closure of the situation. Do not make all the decisions on your own
without asking for the opinions of your children, because they may have
emotional attachments to few things. Moving ahead without considering their
emotions may build unwanted tension in your relationship.
5. Do not overwhelm
your children
Your loss and grief is unbearable, but it is not an excuse
to pour out to your children and overwhelm them with your own loss, emotions,
helplessness, anger or frustrations. You sure need an outlet. Find a friend,
relative, support group or a therapist to unburden your feelings.
4. Check your
financial situation
With the sudden demise of the spouse, there is going to be a
great financial turmoil in the family, especially if the husband was the only
bread earner. Check out your financial situation to understand how much
resources are at your disposal. If you have to, pull the strings of your purse
and stop spending on petty things. Explain to your children that conditions
have changed and everyone will have to make some adjustments.
3. Nurture your
children
Off course every mother, whether a widow or not will nurture
her children, but a widowed mother has the extra responsibility of taking part
of father and picking up the things he was doing for the children. If your son
enjoyed football sessions with his dad, or your girl went out for long walks
with her father, see to it they don’t miss it.
2. Concentrate on your
children’s studies
As a single parent it becomes your duty to see that the
children study well and get settled in a career of their choice. Do not neglect
their homework and make sure that their notes are up to date. If it is too much
of stress for you to handle their study time, then find someone to help you
out.
1. Grab that ‘ME’
time
Remember being a single parent does not make you superwoman.
Underneath all the responsibilities, duties and strength, you are still the
same woman who has lost her spouse. Take that much needed break and grab that
special personal time whenever possible. Do not neglect your own needs.
Occasionally, pamper yourself to feel special and cared for. Look for a life
beyond the confines of home and family. Saturday, September 21, 2013
September 21 World Alzheimer’s Day
Alzheimer’s is a condition
which affects the cognitive abilities of the people by impinging on their
memories and thinking process. Though initially there is only some lapse in
memory retention; in later stages the condition will affect the daily routine
of not only the person going through Alzheimer’s but also their care takers to
a great extent. Worldwide more than 26
million people are affected by Alzheimer’s disease and the number is increasing
every year.
There is no cure for this genetic
disorder for time being; thus it has to be accepted and dealt with the best a
person can give, which becomes more difficult as the disease progresses. Being
aware of the symptoms and identification of the disease in the earlier stages
will help the people involved to take the necessary precautionary steps to
manage the disease effectively. Here are
the ten most significant signs and symptoms that indicates onset of Alzheimer’s
disease.
Loss of memory
The state of forgetting
things like dates, important events or names is the early sign of the disease
affecting brain functions. The person may be able to recall the dates or events
later. As the disease progresses the person may not be able to recall the
information anymore. They often forget commonly used words like comb and may
substitute it with words which may not make sense.
Inability to solve problems or make plans
Alzheimer’s disease affects
the problem solving and plan making ability of the person. People with
Alzheimer’s find it very tough to handle numbers and do mathematical calculations.
They abstract thinking will be affected greatly.
Difficulty handling everyday routine
Alzheimer’s disease will show
its effect on everyday routines when the patients slowly lose track of the
steps involved in preparing the dish they have been doing since ages, important
telephone numbers, and procedure for recording programs or rules of playing
games.
Confusion regarding dates and places
During the middle stages of
the progress of the disease, patients may suddenly find confusion regarding
where they are, which day it is or how much time has been passed. They can get
easily lost in their own neighborhood or places they are very familiar with.
They will have no idea how to get back home all of sudden, though they have
been doing it for a long time.
Trouble with chromatic vision and spatial relationship
As Alzheimer’s disease
affects the chromatic vision, patients will find difficulty in recognizing
colors and pictures. They also find it tough to determine the distance and
spatial relationship of an object. With progression they may not recognize
their own reflection in the mirror and may think it is some other person in the
room.
Difficulty speaking and spelling words
People with Alzheimer’s face
problem when they have to join a conversation or follow instructions. They may
be at loss of words all of sudden in middle of a discussion and may repeat
themselves often. They start messing up with their spellings as well.
Poor or declining Judgment
Patients with Alzheimer’s
often end up paying more money while shopping as they cannot judge rightly.
They make poor choice of clothing to wear and often wear warm clothes on a
sunny day and scanty clothing for the cool evening. They may not groom
themselves and maintain hygiene.
Withdrawing into isolation
As the disease progresses,
people with Alzheimer’s may withdraw from their work, hobbies, social circle
and sports which they enjoyed a lot in the past. They find it tough to make
decisions and communicate with people.
Misplacing things
Often the patients misplace
their things in places where no one would look for them. Their glasses can be
found in refrigerator or books in micro oven. In addition they cannot retrace
their steps adding to the frustration. At times they feel that someone may have
stolen their things and become agitated.
Changes in personality
Personality of the people
suffering from Alzheimer will undergo remarkable changes with passing of time.
Rapid moods swings will have everyone around them baffled as they may jump from
one extremity to other. A person who was just calm and happy a moment ago may
burst into tears or show hostility for no visible reason. The person who was
confident and self assured may suddenly become confused, fearful, and
suspicious. An independent person may start depending on someone for support.
Once very active person will now become passive with no activities, mindlessly watching television and sleeping excessively.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Improve Your Parenting Skills V
Nothing is more rewarding than a smile on your child’s face,
even when it is smeared with chocolate. The amazing part of childhood is that
happiness is not elusive as it is in adulthood. Moreover, it is always the
small things we do that mean the most to children, which they will cherish
lovingly in their heart. You get what you ask for; hence to have a happy child
you should want your child to be happy. Begin by rating their happiness above
their success. Let the child have fun, because childhood is short and it is
more about happiness than anything else. Here is the list of top 10 things that
spreads smile on your child’s face.
10. Play for fun
Playtime is fun time. Do not start giving instructions to
your child as how they should play a game. Children do not need expensive toys
to have fun; even cardboard boxes can entertain them to no end. If the castle
your child made with the building block is not straight, do not reprimand her.
No one is living there. Do not be fussy with the little scratches or bruises
they get. It is all part of growing up. Make sure that the toys children play
with are clean and let them enjoy as they want to.
9. Give them a choice
As a parent you have your limitations. Giving a choice does
not necessarily mean you give your child whatever they want. Give them a choice
with what is available for them. When they ask for a bed time story, don’t tell
them any story you want to, instead ask them what they want to hear. Is it
about the jungle, princess, or funny story? Give them a choice to pick up the
clothes they want to wear. Above all, give them the space if they want to be
alone.
8. Nurture
When their everyday needs are met, children feel safe, loved
and happy. Children who are neglected and uncared for are the unhappiest of
all. You don’t have to compare yourselves to ‘richer than you’ parents. Just
because you do not provide your child with expensive things doesn’t mean you
are not doing your best. Wealth is not equal to happiness, especially for
children.
7. Discipline your
child
This could be shocking to many parents, but scientific
research has proven that being disciplined by the parents make the child happy.
It sends a message to the children that you care for them and want them to be
safe. Children take pride in following certain rules.
6. Surprise
A little message in the school bag, a delightful meal in
lunchbox or a sudden trip to the place your child always wanted to go can make a
child feel very cheerful. Children love surprises so much that they look
forward to it throughout their childhood subconsciously. Make their dream come
true with a bang!
5. Prepare them for
the world
Too much of attention on keeping the child happy may prove
exactly opposite in the long run. As a parent if you grant every whimsical wish
of your child and give in to each of their demands, then they start living in a
happy bubble which is not real. The true encounter with real world where they
are just one among many other children may end their happiness forever.
4. Be a part of their
childhood
Let your hair down and enjoy the growing years of your child
by being one with him. Go biking, walking or on camping trips together. Involve
them in your cooking, cleaning and decorating the home activities. When parents
are a part of their children growing up years, they not only feel happy, but
they will appreciate it greatly even in their adulthood.
3. Listen to your
child
This is not just important for their happiness, but also for
the safety of your child. Don’t hear them but listen attentively and understand
your child. If the child is between important conversations, do not cut her off
in the middle so that you can catch up with the soap opera on time. Children at
times need time to come out with the real issue; as a result they often beat
around the bush a lot. If you are patient, then the child will finally tell you
what has been bothering her. Resolve their issues and bring back happiness in
their lives.
2. Give them life
skills
Life is as much about failures as it is about success. Teach
your child to cope with disappointments, but before that you have to learn to
deal with your child’s failures yourself. Help them rebuild their self-image
and give positive strokes to encourage them. Let your child know that your love
is unconditional, and you will be there with him through thick and thin. Give
them life skills to deal with the ups and downs that they have to face.
1. Be happy
Happy parents make happy children. Children have keen sense
of body language; therefore they pick up on your emotions and will react to
them accordingly. Resolve any issues that lead to arguments and fights in the
family calmly. Do not expose your child to the problems you may have with your
spouse. Both parents mean a lot to the child; hence friction between them will
lead to stress and unhappiness.
