The Best Way to Get A Man Do Something is By Telling Him Not to Do it...

W : Hi Honey! How was your day?

H: Good! It was hectic schedule but I could reach my goals, hit my targets and make myself free this weekend and add three more just us time to it. I am all yours sweet heart.

W: You mean you and your rough stubble?

H: Ha ha ha!! I like to sprout the stubble for a macho look it gives me. Without it my round face gets a baby faced cherubic look. You have to appreciate that I keep it well groomed, which gives a nice refined look. Don’t you know this is one of the lasting trends of facial hair that has been in fashion for ages? This scruffy, unshaven, perpetual three-day-shadow look makes my face interesting and makes everyone believe I am hard worker. I love the impression it creates, so that stays.

W : I think you are dashing in that stubble honey…. it has an edgy and dangerous appeal to me. When did I tell you that you should shave? Actually I want you to get some more of that roughed look. I was just thinking about the party we have today evening. You know my lean and mean friends from the fashion world? They all think that you look so attractive and sexy when you are shaven clean. They ogle and giggle among themselves making me uncomfortable. You remember the last time how Rintu snatched you away from me to dance for ages and lovingly touched your smooth cheeks? I almost killed both of you then ppfffttt! Please don’t shave honey!

H: We are having a party today? Wow! To think of it may be I should shave to get a good party look.

W: I think we are running out of time and you should come along with that stubble of yours. We don’t want to miss the fun, do we? By the way, all you want is to be admired by me and not other women.  

H: No darling! How is it possible to sport stubble for the party your friends are throwing? After all you have an image and status to maintain among them. I don’t want them to think that you make me work too hard. Do I have enough time to shave and shower before the party?

W: Oh no! I will miss your stubble honey. But I agree that you are right, we have to put good impression on my friends. Hurry up, you have just enough time to get that shave (and make me crave for you) and enjoy the party.

The smart wife knew that her man looked adorable in the designer stubble, on which he put great effort but she did not like the feel of it. The rugged hair on his lovely face was endearing to her heart, but she could not allow the wild beast on his face to scratch and bruise her smooth skin. Kissing his cheeks was something like kissing a hedgehog, which pulled her away from him. She would allow him to have whatever he wanted on the weekdays, but now when they were free and had all the time in the world for themselves, she wanted her man sleek, soft and smooth for the entertaining ‘Just Us’ time he had planned. She also very well knew that, though honest and dedicated husband to a beautiful wife, he loved it when he felt other women crave for him making her jealous. Furthermore, being a man, the best way to get him do something was to tell him not to do it.  He always fulfilled her wishes, but when it came to doing chores and grooming he was a person who wanted to assert himself and tell I will do what I like. His mother had revealed the secret to her daughter in law and she was using the weapon well to get him do things for her. She smiled to herself as he rushed to get the shave and shower for her without even realizing it.

This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave' movement in association with BlogAdda.com

Santa, Bring Us Some Humanity This Christmas..

It is time for spread of happiness and merriment all around the world. Santa is coming loaded with gifts for good behavior from children. I plead with Santa to shower some Humanity on us human beings because we have lost the essence of what we represent. That is what we need more than anything at present.

I had decided not to post about current events on my blog, because the media will be full of it, and no one wants more dose of it on my blog. Recently, I was so touched by the killing of children in USA and China on the same day that I went back on my decision and posted my pain.

Again I am compelled to write about something which is being flashed by the media so often just because it has affected me very badly. I had read the report of the rape case in moving bus of Delhi, and something about the event broke my courage which I had held for long and felt that I can deal with life. Last week when walking on the road in broad daylight in a busy road in Jayanagar, an Innova with some rough looking men stopped a little ahead and few of them got down. For the first time in my life, I felt weak, scared and gullible. I have travelled with my brother on the roads of Bangalore even at odd hours of midnight without ever feeling the fear. Recently when people were complaining about the late hours of Indiblogger meet, I jumped in without being worried because I had felt safe. I was not a person who has ever been afraid of threats thrown directly at me, even when others had feared for my safety especially at my in-laws place. I had approached the police to settle the matter legally without any help from my family or neighbors. For a person like me, to be scared of some unknown (may be good men) people in broad daylight is something to be worried about.

Haven’t I read about rapes and murders earlier?  Didn't I know such heinous acts took place so often? Why all of a sudden the fear has taken over me? Is this going to be permanent or just temporary change in my attitude? I am not sure of the answers again.

Though Delhi has erupted demanding justice for the brutalized girl, the city has to hang its head in shame as none of them had come forward to cover the body of the young woman and her friend, when they lay stripped, brutalized and violated on the road in Mahipalpur in biting cold. The crowd of nearly 50 people just stood watching them.

Doctors are looking for donors of intestine for the girl who has lost 95% of her intestines. Isn't it fair enough that they hang the culprits and donate their intestine and rest of the organs to restore her life to as much normal as possible. Do our government which hesitated so much in hanging Kasab has guts to go ahead and give this justice to the woman?

Just yesterday I read the gory details about the Delhi rape case and the brutality the victim was subjected to. I am shocked and numbed. Such torture of an innocent girl for no crime of hers! I cannot even vaguely imagine the emotional and physical trauma she must have been through. The spirit she is showing in recovering from the extreme trauma is amazing and praiseworthy. I was wondering how 95% of her intestine could be damaged, for days when yesterday a friend gave me some details about how that took place. Are they really humans who can actually do this to fellow human beings? We call other species beasts just because they are born flesh eaters and have to hunt for food. What would they think of us when they get to know about such heinous acts committed by so called civilized species of men? Good the animals are mute and cannot talk.

There was a short poem in Hindi doing rounds on face book written by some anonymous person.

Ek Kutti raat ko raaste par jarahi thi....

Raaste mein 5/6 kutte mile.

Kutti gabhra gayi.....

Kutto ne kaha aap aaram se jaiye aur dariye nahi.

Hum kutte hai Insaan nahi

Which roughly translates as

A bitch, one night was walking down a lonely lane

When she sighted 5/6 dogs walking in chain

The bitch grew terrified looking at the strays

When the dogs calmly allowed her to walk away

Saying “Do not fear us, we are not terrible ones

We are just dogs not the cruel humans”

So true!

I wonder about the rape victim.  What if he girl was meek and not fought back so strongly? May be without the brutality of the act she may have to answer the questions, “Did she ask for it?” Many of victims go through the test of their moral integrity, dress style, attitude and many other such factors which is said to provoke sexual assault. When girls as small as 2-3 yrs are raped then they just withdraw into shadows, only to sneak back when this happens to young women. Don't the Burkha clad women get raped? Why does this happen only among us humans and not animals?

There is so much to think about on these lines; at least it set my thoughts on flow. Why do we humans treat the females in such heinous way? In the land where they worship Goddesses, the women are treated like dirt. Passing lewd remarks, making vulgar gestures, staring are common in our nation. The democratic country of India is witness to nearly 30-40 rape cases every day, with the national capital wearing the captain’s cap with 572 cases in 2011. So many cases go unreported, especially by the minors who do not even understand they are being victimized.  

Reading through the news it is shocking to read where lust is taking ‘MAN’. Where is the morality and humanity of men sunk to? Just a peep into few news reports that I came across in the past few days which is not only shocking but nauseating.

On December 11, 2012 Times of India reported that in a bizarre crime, a youth attempted to rape a 12-year-old girl inside her house in the presence of her two sisters and grandfather in Alwar?s Govindgarh area. However, when he failed in the bid, he returned two days later and set the girl on fire. The girl is now battling for life in hospital.

KANPUR: In a shocking incident, a minor girl, who had accused a local goon of raping her, has been allegedly strangulated to death by the hoodlum in full public view after she refused to withdraw the complaint against him. The incident occurred in Sidhaav village in bordering Fatehpur district on Saturday morning when the accused Narvada Nishad barged into the house of the girl, Poonam Sonker (16), and after brutally attacking her strangled her to death.

Hisar: The Hisar police have arrested three of the five men accused, including a constable, for allegedly abducting and gangraping a 19-year-old college student in Barwala town. Police officials said that the medical examinationconfirmed rape.     The girl was abducted on November 27 while she was on her way back home and kept in confinement for four days till November 30 and raped during this duration by five men.     The police registered a case after the girl filed a complaint on Sunday, December 2, a day after she was dumped in Bahabalpur village near Barwala.

A housewife was stripped naked, gangraped and battered in full public glare in Tripura, police said on Saturday. "A 37-year-old woman was gang-raped at Bishalgarh in western Tripura Wednesday night. After the rape, the women was stripped naked, brutally beaten up and then tied to a tree," a police official told reporters here.

The Kasaragod district sessions court on Thursday sentenced a madrassa teacher to 22 years in prison for raping and sodomizing a 10-year-old

A three-year-old girl was raped in a play-school in West Delhi, prompting the Delhi government on Friday to ask the police to take stringent action against its principal.The child was allegedly raped by the husband of the owner of the school on Monday in west Delhi's Sagarpur area, and the incident came to light two days later, police said.

A 55-year-old man was on Saturday accused of sexually abusing a six-year-old girl at Bhathkidih in Jamshedpur city. In a FIR filed by Saeeda Parveen the mother of the victim, the man, Subhaan was accused of abusing the minor and issuing threats not to go to the police, Deputy Superintendent of Police (Law and Order) Raj Kishore Prasad told reporters.

Just Numb with fear, shame and helplessness I feel at the moment. 

Am I being slave to internet?

When I shifted to Bangalore few months ago, one of the things I was looking forward to was - online shopping. Back in Byndoor, I did not have option of home delivery, so if I really wanted to buy something, then I had to send it to my sister in laws home and collect it from there when I came over to Bangalore.

Many people told me that online shopping was not a good idea and I should not go ahead buying things without looking at them first. But I had my experience with online through Blogadda. I had won quite some gift vouchers in contests through which I could buy products from Myntra, Flipkart, Homeshope18, etc, which I had used to purchase things online. Other than a bad experience with GK Opticals, or few mistakes on part of posting right pictures from Flipkart for which they failed to compensate, my other online shopping has been very good. At times we do get excellent offers of coupons to shop from through sites like Cuponation which will give further benefits like 50% off, or flat 1000/- off on purchases from your favorite website like Jabong, Inkfruit, Myntra, Snapdeal and many more.

Once I shifted to Bangalore, I have started purchasing everything online, including my groceries. It is easier to sit in the comfort of my home and do window shopping. Off course it is going to help me gain those pounds (not British currency but the weight), but it saves time and money. I can walk around just for fun if I need exercise or even take up some proper exercising schedule.

We have cash on delivery, exchange offers and other benefits which I have taken advantage of for good shopping experience. I am being lazy and shopping easy not only for myself but also for my family. Recently my sister wanted a birthday gift for her son; I ordered it for her through Jabong. She paid cash and received it from her home. When I was shopping for her, my daughter fell for anklets she saw there. So I decided to gift it to her for her Eid present. The size fits her well and she loves them.

It is funny how I am slowly being dependent on internet for every work I do. I am earning online, keeping in touch with people online, I am totally google brained as I google for almost everything I want to know, I am spending my earning online, most of the transactions are taking online… and I am already dreading the day I will be without internet connection. 

I am not sure whether I should continue with this pattern or change to being more of an offline person………….. OH NO~~ I am looking for an answer to that online too LOL.

The Saddest Part is the Children

"The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children."

In a very horrific and indescribable tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, twenty-seven people, including eighteen children, were shot to death inside an elementary school, which is at least the sixteenth mass shooting to take place in America this year.

Beijing: A knife-wielding man slashed 22 children and an adult at an elementary school in central China on Friday, state media reported, the latest in a series of attacks on schoolchildren in the country.
The man attacked the children at the gate of a school in Chenpeng village in Henan province, the Xinhua news agency reported.

14^th December – two different countries, two different cultures, on opposite sides of the globe, a same tragedy took place in which the victims were sadly the children. Those innocent, young angles, some even from Kindergarten, who had not done any harm or caused misery to anyone.

"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself." James Anthony Froud

What could be the motive or reason behind such mass killings, especially of children? Where have we humans gone wrong, as we are the only species who seem to suffer from such madness? Where in the dark hidden corner of that amazing thing called human brain, which churns out inventions after inventions, is this madness that enables individuals to commit such unimaginable horrors. Is there some unknown and undiscovered truth about our minds which has not yet been explored? Often people tend to be empathetic and loving, unless something snaps and turns them into demons. Was this hatred, revenge, sacrifice or just madness?

It is easy to ask questions but tough to find answers, even tougher to prevent such tragedies because those who commit such crimes do not come with any kind of labels. They are just like you and me, at least in appearance. Though we have come up with laws, rules, divisions between right and wrong, religions for moral policing and much more, we have somehow mutated and developed an unfortunate ability which will shut each of them off. Does history not have enough proof of this special ability of humans, when they have done unthinkable crimes which assure us that they had shut every their minds  off from thinking about consequences, distinguishing between right and wrong while causing pain to innocent victims?

At times like this when I think of parents who have sent their kids to school, and learn that they will never come back home because some person gripped by madness made them a target of his frustration, a deep fear lurks inside me that it could happen anywhere, anytime to anyone. Have I not seen people who in a particular moment if had access to weapons are capable to committing such horrendous acts? I have seen quite a few them, and also quite a few ugly expressions of rage. The hidden dark secrets of human mind lurk like a large sword on our heads, which can drop down anytime and cut us into pieces.

Erich Fromm who has done extensive research and written “The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness”, says the extinction of fantasies and an aspect of necrophilism feeds the malignant aggression in human mind, which gives them a feeling that death and demolition leads to glory. Those who have been desperate or failures may think this as a mark they live on the world which would never be able to forget them. Fromm says these people often have dreams about dismembered parts or rooms full of corpses. They have trouble relating to others and tend to feel bored. Preferring dark colors, they’re often obsessed with devices of destruction or role models who carried out large-scale slaughters. They feel a smirking superiority toward others, often being insensitive about tragedies that involved a loss of life.

Psychology has a term pseudocommando  defined as “A type of mass murderer who kills in public during the daytime, plans his offense well in advance, and comes prepared with a powerful arsenal of weapons. He has no escape planned and expects to be killed during the incident. Research suggests that the pseudocommando is driven by strong feelings of anger and resentment, flowing from beliefs about being persecuted or grossly mistreated. He views himself as carrying out a highly personal agenda of payback. Some mass murderers take special steps to send a final communication to the public or news media; these communications, to date, have received little detailed analysis. An offender's use of language may reveal important data about his state of mind, motivation, and psychopathology. It is argued that revenge fantasies become the last refuge for the pseudocommando's mortally wounded self-esteem and ultimately enable him to commit mass murder-suicide”.

There are many more psychoanalytical explanations to mass murders which is scary, but my heart bleeds and asks “Why Children?”

Breast Cancer Awareness for Abhilasha Mahila Mandali

Recently I had been a part of a talk on Breast Cancer Awareness for Abhilasha Mahila Mandali at Jayanagar. It was a lovely experience for me which I would love to share it here on my blog. Being a punctual person, I reached there a bit early and could sit and watch women drop in one by one. Most of them were housewives, in the age group of 40-80 who gathered enthusiastically to learn about cancer and know more about this demon everyone fears. For past two months I have attended a lot of awareness programs, where the audiences were more educated people than the group I was meeting here. I wondered whether these women would really grasp the topic and understand what the doctors were saying or was it going to be a futile attempt.

The two doctors who were to present the program were Dr. Padma Kamineni and Dr. Krithika.M whose profile told me once again how tough it was for them to connect with women, who earlier had told me that they wanted the program to be in Kannada, as many of them could not follow English.  

A big surprise awaited me, as the awareness program began when though with difficulty Dr.Padma Kamineni explained everything about health awareness to women present in Kannada.  She was very much accommodating, and encouraged the women to interrupt and ask her questions in between her presentation.

Much accolades should be given to the women also, who were open with their fears about cancer and asked the doctor quite relevant questions which made her provide crucial information regarding health issues to the people present. These women were honest with their fear about cancer, unlike many who try to ask intellectual questions, throwing doubts on the information provided by doctors. But this group was different, they asked simple questions like

Why does cancer happen?

How can we prevent cancer?

What diet can help in prevention of cancer?

What are the symptoms to be aware of?

After being through many seminars and awareness programs where we had educated people as participants, this was a program gave me insight into the fears common people posses about cancer, what type of misconceptions they have and how much they want to avoid it in their lives. This was an eye opener for me.

Dr. Krithika gave short but very important information about self breast examination with the help of video.  She also spoke in Kannada so that everyone could understand her, and was accommodative to all types of queries.

Sensing the fear among the present, I spoke in the end for a while explaining that cancer does not mean death, I am the proof of it. I gave a brief account of my survivor story to the people present. Most of the people present were taken aback to know I was a survivor. I explained to them that, life changes after cancer but it need not always be a negative change. At times being near to death allows us to have positive change in our lives too.

I appreciate the effort put by HCG, Mrs. Shylaja Prabhakar Executive Assistant and its team of doctors in creating cancer awareness among people, and spreading message about the importance of early diagnosis and right treatment the first time. They need a big applause for their efforts.

The Cancer Touch - My survival 

Dr. Padma Kamineni has completed her graduation from prestigious Institute in Karnataka and pursued her higher education in Hematology and Medical Oncology from Howard University Hospital, Washington, DC and subsequently worked as an Assistant Professor for a year. She has worked as an Oncologist in Northern Virginia, USA.Her special interests are breast cancer and gastro intestinal cancer.

She was recognized as America’s Top Oncologists by Consumer Research Council of America two years in a row (2009 & 2010). She has also been named as one of Top Medical Oncologists by Northern Virginia Magazine for two years in a row (2011 & 2012). She actively participated in Annual Meet Our Experts panel discussion in Breast Cancer at Inova Fair Oaks Hospital, Fairfax, VA. She has also published papers and articles in international journals-Blood, JNMA, and Clinica Chimica Acta.

She is Board certified in Hematology and Medical Oncology and Internal Medicine. She is an active member of American Society of Oncology (ASCO) and American Society of Hematology.

Dr. Krithika.M Consultant Surgical Oncologist has vast experience & is a pioneer in advanced Breast Conservative surgeries, she has performed more than 3000 surgeries.

She is a gold medalist from Rajiv Gandhi University of Health sciences &completed her postgraduate surgical training from the United Kingdom. She continued higher surgical training in the United Kingdom & has extensive training in different specialties of oncosurgery in UK.She has been actively involved in various research and audit projects and has a number of international publications to her credit and won prizes for the same.She has been actively involved in mentoring and teaching juniors.She has done her fellowhsip in breast and colorectal surgery in England.

Her specialist interest include breast and oncoplastic surgery including reconstruction and cosmetic surgery, colorectal cancers including laproscopic colorectal surgery.She is member of British Medical Association and Royal College of Surgeons (Edin).

Adapting To The Changing Styles of Middle Age

As I entered the 40’s a few years ago, it was no easier to find the dresses and accessories that would go with my age, weight and yet be flattering to my personality. Gone were the teen days of bright colors, full frills and laces, as I became more comfortable with subtle colors and plain designs.  The financially stable women in middle ages have more to spend but fewer options to choose from, in comparison to their younger counterparts. Adapting to the changes in the body during the middle ages is one the best thing that I can do to bring out my style statement that will keep me comfortable, suit my age and at the same time will give as much as flattering look as possible.

Being an organized planner, when the contest in Indiblogger asked me to Pick my favorite apparel and accessories from www.shoppersstop.com and put together an ensemble that’s the perfect look for this festive season I started from my hair and then went on adding all the necessary things that I would need before I walk out. 

As for the hair I choose the LOreal  Paris Hair Expertise Shampoo Smooth Intense as it will help me deal deftly with the lost shine and smoothness of my hair.

Then it is time to cover up those peeping tom greys with some LOreal Paris Excellence Hair Colour Shade No 1 Natural Black before giving it the final touch with LOreal Paris Hair Expertise Shampoo Colour Protect

That will give me satisfaction of giving my head a good crowning glory!

Adidas Floral Dream Deo Spray - 150 m

I would love to go with a floral theme this festive season, one of the reason why I opt for a Floral Dream Deo from Adidas to splash myself with. 

  Having learned the harmful effect of sun rays on our skin, there is no way I would dare venture out without proper protection. It is nice to shop for everything a woman needs on one single website or a shopping center. I am glad to find Lakme Sun Expert Fairness Sunscreen Lotion Spf30 Pa+ on shoppers stop. 








Now it is time for getting dressed up comfortably and comfort should come from within. I am supporter of non-wired cotton undergarments that are cool and good enough to wear throughout the day. As the floral theme would need light colors I will opt for Amante Non Padded Non Wired Bra and Jockey Ladies Modern Brief.
With a wide range of choice available, it is difficult to choose a suitable dress, but keeping a theme in mind makes it more easier for me. I love the look of this simple dress, which looks comfortable and elegant. Though I try to avoid laces, the festive season is  good reason to indulge in some grandeur. So that it is Kashish Patiala-Kurta-Dupatta Set with Embroidered Yoke, Lace Trims, Short Sleeves, and Printed Chiffon Dupatta made of Cotton Jacquard Fabric for me.

It was not difficult to find a hand bag to go with the design, as I instantly fell in love with this Hidesign – Handbag, an all day bag in vegetable tanned faux crocodile leathers which matched the color of my dress. 

Moving ahead to accessories I find this Wrist watch very elegant, with a debonair style statement so I choose Skagen - Womens Watch - 608SSS. A slight tinge of green makes it compliment my dress and accessories as well

What is an Indian woman without jewelry for the festive season? So I move over to the buy some expensive jewelry now. It is always lovely to shop virtually for contests.. without affecting the bank balance, than to do it with real credit card ;)

Though silver is my favorite metal, for festive season I will go with glittery gold. The green stones in the ring catch my eye so I slip it on my finger before surfing over to other jewelry.

Carbon Diamond Ladies Ring. I was happy to find this perfect match of Pretty Women Pendant Chain with Earring containing Cz Stones with Light Green Colour Beat Drop to rightly compliment my dress and finger ring.  Being a married woman, Mangalasutra is also important for me. I found a perfect one for me in this Sparkles Gold Mangalsutra with Diamond Pendant. After having a smooth run so far, finally it was tough to find some bangles or bracelet to go with my theme and color. Reluctantly I choose this bracelet because it has the floral design and suits the Mangalsutra, but would look great with a green stone thrown in here and there. I would sure love to have some more choices in this department. To make up for the lack of color on bracelet, I decorate my nails  with green color nail polish, which would compensate lavishly. At my age I love to stick to shades of maroon, but once in a while I decide to step out of way. Maybelline Colorama Nail Enamel Verde PalmeiraGlossy nail color in captivating vibrant shades comes to my rescue here. The lips will do with Lakme Lip Love Dark Desirei I apply a very light dab of greenish Lakme Absolute Eye Shadow Queen  which will properly compliment the rest of the accessories. Givenchy Play For Her Edp Intense Spray 75ML A warm fragrance, Play for Her Eau de Parfum Intense exudes a dark sensuality, with the promise of a giddying playtime. Hmmm sounds interesting and smells good too.

After a big splash of Givenchy fragrance it is time for me to step out in my Lemon Pepper - Ladies Footwear which is Trendy and bold- to make my own style statement.

With all the accessories set for the theme, for the special celebration all I have to do is slip out of the comfortable suit into the elegant Saree to get that special Indian festive look. 

This post is a part of contest on Indiblogger by www.shoppersstop.com