Marriages are made in heaven and so are
thunder and lightning… Some wise person came up with quote which is so true.
When two different individuals try to become one, there are bound to be sparks
(of all kind and types), leading to some fiery situations; not only between the
individuals involved, but also between the people connected to them.
Being a very spicy person myself who runs
away from problem only to fall into their lap, my life has been strewn with so
many of such fiery relationship dramas. What best time can beat the one when we
have the KFC fiery contest running on indiblogger for me to share these fiery
dramatic events with you? So here I go.
I grew up in a close knit family. My
parents lived away from our native place, with four of us kids, which created a special
bond between the six members. My sister was main glue who held us together
more tightly. When my sister and I got married, the priorities in our lives
were supposed to change and we were expected to treat our better halves (if you
insist on calling them so) as ‘holy thou’. My sister was point blank in
shooting her condition that whoever married her should keep her with my Mom. I
was never given a chance for putting down any conditions, as my own marriage was
a big drama.
 |
| The Marriage Drama |
Being a fiery girl from my childhood,
though a bit mild and cool as an adolescent, I don’t know what made people to
expect me become the ideal bollywood biwi kind of person all of sudden. Marriage
is not like childbirth which can change you over night. It was supposed to be a
slow process but my better half wouldn’t wait. He was very anxious to prove
that husband was important for a woman of all the relationships she has in her
life. Unfortunately, he chose the wrong timing for this.
My dad had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s
cancer when I was in my Hubby’s home. I was devastated and wanted to leave for
Bangalore immediately. My mother in law was against me going away on short
notice, so she somehow convinced my husband that I was needed here in Byndoor
due to some functions and ceremonies which involved my sister in law and her
pregnancy. A very obedient son, my better half told me to wait for few more
days before leaving for Bangalore, and, immediately lost his always in doubt
status of better half. How could he not understand my turmoil of hearing the
news my dad being sick and me away from him?
Aghast and disgusted, not hiding my emotion
I asked him, “WHY?”
Instead of some worthy dialogue he came up
with a lame and limping explanation, “Because, I, your husband says so”.
“For God’s sake, this is no time for crap.
My dad is sick”
“Once you are married your priorities
change. According to our religion a wife cannot even attend her father’s
funeral if her husband forbids her. God has permitted people to bow only to
him, if ever he would have allowed anyone else to be worthy of such reverence
then it would be the husband. So you have to understand that now you have to
listen to me. I did not say that you shouldn’t go, I only said you go after few
days”.
This was a sticky situation in the early
stages of my marriage. It was not good to walk out of marriage as there were
too many things to consider, like my new born son, my dad who was sick and the
love we shared. I was also sure that this would not end the way he wanted it
whatever the outcome be.
No one had ever asked me whether I was devoted to any religion and accepted all the rules set by it. Somehow, it was
assumed to be so. Now there was no way I was going to listen to him and stay
back for a few days. Instead of being rash and rude, for once I became a witty diplomat.
I asked him to sit down and listen to me carefully and understand exactly what
I was saying because one more wrong response from him was going to create a scene
which he wouldn’t like and which would prove that husband is not so superior
after all. After getting him seated, I sent out my message in a cool and calm
voice, “You say husband is very important person in my life. You are my husband
today and you are the most important person of life. But you know what? If I
divorce you, and marry someone else, then that person is going to be the most
revered person in a matter of months. Many women have gone on to have 8 or more
such important beings in their lives. This does not happen to parents. I cannot
cease to be their daughter or they cease to be my parents for any reason. God
has a say in this relationship. Our bond (of husband and wife) is created by us
and it left to us to decide what we do with it. The love and respect I have for
my parents will never go away just because I created some more relationships in
my life.
 |
| Heartbreak.... |
In our relationship, let us not argue who
is important and who should rule. Let us think what is important at the moment;
whether a daughter visiting her sick father or a woman attending her sister in
law’s ceremony. So think it over and
answer because as I told you, our relationship is not in the hands of God. It
can break”.
I was not loud or rude, but I had a fire
burning in me and I was fierce at the moment. Good for us, he got the hint that
there was a huge volcano brewing in my heart and it was not safe to provoke it
to come out. It all ended well with me leaving immediately to visit my dad and
be there with him while the ceremonies went on well without me. This is only few of those lucky moments when
I have been diplomatic and calm. My usual self is more fierce and attacking
kind.
Some more side dishes to go with the main
course…
I had fiery spat with a father of a married
woman once. His daughter was married to a person who was a only son of his
parents. According to the Indian culture, she had live with her in-laws. It was
tough times for their family, as the son was not doing well financially. The
girl’s father while lamenting over the misfortune of his daughter complained to
me that parents should never marry their daughters in home where there are
parents- in law. That was something very tough to digest even with a hajmola. So
asked this person who himself had a son of marriageable age, “So are you going
to drink poison and kill yourself when your son gets married?” Shocked he
blurted “What?” I replied bitterly, “If all people think like you then your son
will never get married until you are alive”. That must have sent the message
because I never heard his complaints again.
When I was going through cancer, a close
relative once said, mockingly, “Hey! Look, you have lost all your hair”. It was
funny to imagine that I did not know that. My answer was “I haven’t lost
humanity yet”.
Someone found it amusing to make fun of my
club foot and said, “You have crooked foot”, I replied, “But it doesn’t lead me
on crooked path, the path that makes people stoop low and make fun of
disabilities”
A remark regarding my special needs child,
“Why did God give you this child?” I replied to this question honestly,
“Because he knows I can love a child unselfishly, without expecting anything
from the child in future, not making comparisons, and because I have patience
to deal with my child. God gave her to me, because he knew she cannot make
people like you happy”.
This post is a part of Contest on Indiblogger by KFC Fiery Grilled.
