A View from the Eye of Ege

After Susan White from Ottawa, now I have the honor of presenting another person, Ege from Bergen, Norway. She goes ahead fighting bravely the obstacles thrown her way and makes the day best for herself. Today with this post she is going to do the same for us.

I decided it was time for me to come out in open with my own experience. I have just read your post about how people behave when it comes to Farheena. I had to tell, I recognise how people have behaved to me during my years here on earth, when I read your post. 

When I was 7 year old, there was hearing-test in school. There it was discovered that I had hearing impairment in both ears. They gave me hearing aid; at that time some big ones, and a big help speaker to wear, so I could hear what my teacher said. It was awful.

Everyone at school changed their behaviour towards me. I didn’t get friends. I was just someone not important. In the gym, I was last choice. As a friend, I was good enough only when the others were pissed off with each other. 

I can’t remember that I didn’t hear well. I remember I was daydreaming a lot. Because of my hearing, I was given special class in speech, and it was ok, but not so fun to discover that the rest of my class had had fun with creating things when I had to practice my speech.

People have been looking at me like I had a brain damage. One man told me some years ago, that he wondered about my speech; whether it was because of a brain damage or maybe my tongue had some damage. When I told him I was hearing impaired, he said: “oh so that’s what it is... `cause when we talk I understood there was nothing wrong with your brain...”

People just don’t know how to handle their own feelings when they discover others have a difficulty or disability, whatever it is. And when they can see someone is different, they get more troubled inside. They fight hard to say or do what they think is the right thing to do, because they are afraid to let you know they want to run away and not know about people that are different.

I can still feel the pain of how unfair I felt life was, and when I was 13, I prayed every night that I could just die when I sleep.. That was the first time I wanted to die. 

Even to this day, I can see people get uncomfortable when they hear me speak. Not so much as back then, but it still happens. Some says they never notice it. They say that I sound like I`m from some other country. Some loves my way of speech. And some are very uncomfortable with it. 

My mother has hearing impairment too, but she got it after being sick when she was grownup. She often tells me how people behave, with loud voice and talking to others instead of her, and I tell her, yes I know about it. I know what that’s like. 

And I often get the same reactions when I tell that I have:

Tinnitius

Trigeminal Neuralgia

Rheumatism

Atriose in my lower back

People get like: oh how awful, what can you do, what medicine do you use, can you get well again, can the doctors do anything.... 

Doctors give me medicine, I try not to use so much. But that’s it. That’s just the way it is. I don’t want to fight about it with my doctors, or to explain those stupid people who ask me this. 

I told a family member:  I don’t care why I got it. I don’t go thinking: poooooor me... Because all I can do, is to make my day the best for me. 

They simply just can’t get it. And my sister said: They don’t understand because they don’t have it, that’s why they behave like this. And that’s true.

A lot of people like others to think about them: Look at me, I am a big man or woman, I`m sooo gooood with people that are different, can’t you see meee??

But I, that have seen falseness all my life, see when people are acting. 

And so will Fahreena. 

Tell Fahreena not to be afraid to do what she wants. I remember how shocked my classmates were when I came back to school the day after been to a music-contest... Yes I did sing, and some people told me I was good too. So I believe I can do things that others see as impossible. 

And Fahreena, she can do a lot of things, just have fun, and give a shit about stupid people. I know, easy to say...

I remember I use to think I was 2 persons, one at school, and one at home. And when I finally set myself free, and being myself at school, do you know what a school mate said?

She said: This is not you; you are not the one I know. I don’t like it. 

I was thinking: well, you never really knew me, you just don’t see it..

So, people are very very stupid at times. 

Yes Ege, People can be stupid at times but tough people are known to survive stupidity. You are the tough one…