Just a day in bringing up Farheena.. #LessonsOfLife - 1

It was a lazy Sunday evening when all children were out playing. I had the enormous task of keeping Farheena engaged in Byndoor, where our outdoor activities were limited. I had to come up with ideas to keep her engaged especially in the evening when everyone, including Rayyan was out playing in the field. Fortunately, I had my friends from Ladybirds who would give me different ideas and also connect with her through Video calls.

On this day, I gave her beads to work with. I was intently watching my daughter trying to pass the string through the colourful beads she had spread in front of her. She was trying to make a necklace for her doll Baby Jay. It was heart wrenching for me to see her struggle with her eye/hand co-ordination, where as we could do it effortlessly. I usually keep the smile up and never show her my concern. Not an easy task but I have become expert at it.

At this moment my mobile rang and I picked up the phone to hear my sister gushing about her son's achievement. He had won a competition organized by Horlicks. I could not concentrate well on what she was saying because one of the beads had fallen down and my daughter was searching for it.. .. it was right there and I wanted to point it out, but then that takes away all the fun. Rule number one with me, with all children is – Never interrupt them unless they ask you for help. Even then, first give guidance before helping. So I waited while listening to my sister on the phone… ahhhh…there she found it.. Yeah back to what my sister was saying.. he was one the cutest kids and everyone praised him there. I can agree because he was great looking child. I congratulated her and told her to tell her son I am so proud of him. She asked me “Hey aren’t you interested in what I am saying? You seem to be absent-minded?” Off course she could sense that I was not totally into the conversation though my nephew’s achievement meant a lot to me. I told her my daughter was making a chain of beads and I was amazed at her talent.  I am sure that must have shocked a mom whose son had just won a big competition but then she loves Farheena and went about asking more details about her activity.

How many of us realize that we all have our limits and anyone who can do his/her best is a real champion. It is not just the result but also the effort counts. My daughter was putting all her heart into making a necklace for her doll and according to me it was no less effort than a child winning a big competition.

I used to be a tennis buff and watch every match telecast, that was before I got dedicated to my bringing up my kids. I was sports lover in my pre-motherhood era. Many write off Ivan Lendl as a player who never won Wimbledon but for me he was the greatest Wimbledon champion back then because no player had ever put in as much effort to win that title as he had done. His style and game was dead against him winning the tournament but he did the best anyone could ever do. People will never agree with me and I accept their non-acceptance of my view.

I was not visible to my daughter; neither did she hear our conversation. Her focus and concentration level is quite high. She was totally engrossed in her work. I loved her dedication. Finally when she was reaching the end I got another call from my friend whose son had won a local cricket match. Looks like it was a day of achievements. It was that time of the year when competitions are held for children all around Bangalore. Many people know my love for children and they usually share their success with me. She was gushing as to how good sportsman he is, what bright future she could visualize for him blah blah blah .. Like my sister after sometime she realized I was not totally into the conversation and wondered why all of sudden I had changed. I told her I was watching another great sportsperson and excused myself from the call at the risk of being labelled an envious mom. I had to, not because I was not interested in what she was saying but my champion had finally finished her masterpiece and needed my help to tie the loose ends. She was worried that the beads may come out if she tried to move.

I am very sure those two proud moms did not understand what it meant for me to watch my daughter do something with total dedication… she may not be champion by the standard of the world but to me her every milestone means a lot. At the same time, I don’t undermine the achievements of those two lovely children. 

Baby Jay was finally garlanded and honoured and she clicked the moment to preserve it in her album …..

This was the day I realized the futility of my own competitive spirit. I always believed “Winning isn’t everything but second place sucks”. Every person has their own talents, skills and levels. Putting one person in competition with other is neither fair nor required. The only person I should compete should be with myself. Those who have been my co-students will vouch how hard I study even when I have white hairs on my head. I still try very hard to be best, but I don’t compare myself with others much. I stop myself from fretting over results, though it happens occasionally.

Slowly with practice and patience, Farheena became good at stringing beads. Yesterday, when I asked her to make a bracelet, she quickly did a good job of it and an hour long break I was looking at ended in 5 minutes. That is the competition she should win and she does.

I begin with this story because Farheena is the simple human being who shows me simplicity of life. The stories will simple in their nature and not some great achievements or miracles, though some could be of those standards if you look at them from right viewpoint.

Thinking about Farheena and writing about her is always pleasant. I know it is going to be tough emotionally at times but also a relief more often.

Farheena the Artist

Farheena the acrobat...